Strap on your feedbags!

It's that time of year again! Time for the Grundy County Corn Festival in good 'ol Morris, IL.
Sure it is full of traditions, craft shows, tractors, water fights, kiddie parades, meats on a stick and plenty of fattening fried foods. One of the more popular traditions would be the nightly bar scene. The main street is blocked off and everyone pretty much does a pub crawl and drinks all night. This is the perfect formula for underage drinking, fights and drunken stuper. But hey, it's fun!
I will be participating in some drinking this weekend, I am sure. But will not be getting into any trouble, as I am too old for that now. So if you happen to be in Morris this fine weekend, and you see me, give me a holler! We can buy each other a drink!

I will have a nice update post on Monday recapping all of the events, that is if they are worth mentioning.

Whatever Dude!

Well, my so-called "friend" has felt the need to further his blogging experience, so he dumped me. Whatever dude. This is SO like you to be all "me me me me" and basically be an attention whore. Everything is about you, isn't it?! I hope you choke on your blogcakes! *


*This is all bogus tough talk, because I do love the guy like a brother, and I didn't want to pass up the chance to degrade him publicly. Even though his post from last night was hilarious, and I will still keep his link in the sidebar and read it daily

McGone's Branching Out

I don't know why, but I started my own blog. It was seriously spur of the moment. But in all truthiness, it was because SLINGER KEPT BURYING MY COMEDY GOLD WITH HIS OWN BLOGS! Kidding. I just thought I'd be like 5,786,429 other people* and put whatever inane and tedious thought I had on the interweb. So if you are all about wasting time, or you are stalking me, check out:

THE INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF BLOGCAKES

*Not an actual statistic

Random thought of the day...

If I ever create a band, it will be a cover band called "Styx & Stones". I don't consider myself a fan of either band, but for some reason I think that name is awesome. And it eliminates the question "What kind of music do they play?"

Dodged a Bullet...

So I have a tendency to make stupid bets. Why I can’t just make them for cash, I don’t know. Me? I have to get creative. Lucky for BPDP, sometimes I don’t come up with the creative bet until it’s too late. A few years ago when the Boston Red Sox (my second favorite apparel-named baseball team) completely dismantled BPDP’s beloved Cardinals, I came up with a doozy about 3 games into the sweep, at which point it was the mercy my mother instilled in me that just let BPDP and his team self-destruct in relative peace.

But the bet would have been a good one - Whomever lost the bet (BPDP, remember) would have to go to Wal-Mart on a Saturday when they were busiest and buy these items, and these items only:

A box of Kleenex
A family-size jug of hand lotion
A Hilary Duff poster

And the loser (BPDP) couldn’t tell the cashier or any one that he (BPDP) had lost a bet. And when the cashier said “Have a nice day” he was to reply “Oh, I will. Believe me.”

So once again, I find myself in the position of being in the middle of a stupid bet. Every year at the newspaper, we enter the Illinois Press Association contest. We usually gather some hefty awards too. In the past 5 years, I have won 20 myself, which isn’t me bragging... I’m just pointing out that this is an editorial contest, and I don’t work in editorial. All right, I am bragging.

One of my 4 nominations this time around, a category I took first in last year - Single Page Design - had some in-house competition from Associate Editor Mark Malone. And he was determined to take the reigning champ down. So began the trash talking, the chest thumping, and that damn bet...

If I won, Mark - a die-hard White Sox fan - was to wear a Cubs jersey and hat and sing karaoke at the VFW, where the crowd is a little rowdy. The song I picked for him to sing to me was Christina Aguleria’s “Ain’t No Other Man.” It would have been great. But the flip-side is that it was possible that I would lose, in which case I was to wear a Bears jersey (I do not apologize for being a Packers fan) and sing Aqua’s “Barbie Girl.”

Oh, they just loved that around the office. Everyone couldn’t wait for the big day - we had so many people interested in this that we thought we should seriously charge a cover and donate to a local charity.

Well, the awards were this past weekend and let me just say...

I’m a Barbie Girl. In a Barbie World.

ah.... crap.

Since we initially brought up the bet, neither of us had spoken out loud about it. We just sat in quiet and wondered what the hell we had gotten ourselves into. And then my personal life went in the toilet, and I found myself in a position where the usual self-deprecating McGone wasn’t feeling much like having fun with himself. Honestly, I wasn’t going to make Mark go through with it. Not that it mattered because I made peace with the fact that I placed lower than him weeks ago.

Mark’s my hero. He told me yesterday he wasn’t going through with it either. Now I just have to hear the comments from my co-workers... I swear, in these past few days I’ve heard “Barbie” more than the stockboy at Toys-R-Us.

This post is more for my benefit... I have to remember the dread I felt this past month as the Cardinals stand at the top of their division and BPDP will no doubt be gloating if they start making it through the playoffs, especially now that my mighty White Sox have burned out. He’ll gloat and I’ll want to take a stand against him. But no more stupid bets, no matter how creative.

Besides, I think I saw BPDP at Wal-Mart last weekend buying the kleenex, lotion and Duff poster anyway.

When did I get so old?

Or better yet, when did I realize I was old?
Wow things have changed since I went to grade school, or high school for that matter.
Now that school is back in, I constantly get stuck behind busses on my way to work, and I have begun to notice a few things…

There is a bus stop on almost every corner. When did this happen? When I was in junior high, I had to walk about 4 blocks to get to the designated stop for my area. Now it seems like there is one on every corner. I have to think this is less efficient, seeing as how there are more stops, burning up more fuel. Not to mention the bus drivers have to start earlier in order to make it to school on time.

All these kids have a backpack on wheels! You know the ones I speak of. When we were kids, all you had was a Jansport backpack that you either lugged on your back or dragged, and it was heavy.

Let’s not even mention how easy the kids have it now with the age of computers. All we had in grade school was the old Apple IIe and our assignment was to see how much money we could make selling lemonade in black and green graphics.

All I am saying is that kids are spoiled these days. Yeah they may have more homework, but at least they don’t have to spend hours at the library looking up info in the card catalog or Encyclopedia Britannica.

DAGSEARCH 2006 - It's Been Months... Do You Know Where Your Daggett Is?

As we here in the good ol' GC (Grundy County) prepare for the annual Corn Festival - an excuse to wear flannel, drink much beer, and generally get jiggy - I am saddened to report that one of our own has again gone missing.

That's right, Dagsearch 2006 is back on.

As last reported Daggett uprooted his family and relocated to a suburb of Salt Lake City, Utah. Apparently he is still alive, as his mother told me, but repeated text messages from myself and BPDP - as well as an occassional one by Slinger - have gone unanswered.

If you have any news on Daggett, please comment below. If he's homesick, this will be an especially tough weekend, what with the beer and the corn and the meat-on-a-stick we all love so well.

Confirmed Kill

Last night I was in the kitchen getting dinner ready, the boys were playing in the living room and Mama Slinger was in with Isabel. Well all of a sudden I hear this screaching noise outside and see Molly (4yr old Golden Retriever) going crazy. She had been out there for about 15 minutes. I look outside and see her chasing a squirrel, and the squirrel was screaching like crazy.
So I go run outside and try to stop Molly, but she is all over this little guy. She grabbed him a few times and he kept running around the playset in the back yard, only to be met by Molly every time. The last time he came around she got him, good. She had it in her mouth and it took a few good yells and me coming toward her to drop it. This whole time my 2 boys are standing at the patio door watching their dog mutilate this little creature. Amy actually thought the screahing was the little guy screaming.
The squirrel was not bleeding, but he was messed up bad. You know how they are usually long with a puffy tail? Well this guy was bent 90 degrees in the middle and his tail was by his head. She did not puncture it, thank god, but she must have broken its back. I finally got her inside and then went out to look at it. He was dead. I assume more than anything Molly gave it a heart attack. So I bagged it up and threw it out with the trash today.
After that I went in to finish making dinner and was unable to eat it. Had lost my appetite. Oh well.

So Molly got her first confirmed kill. Although how hard can it be when a stupid little squirrel comes in a fenced in yard with a dog? Not too bright of an animal. I hate to think of what she would have actually done with it if I had not stopped her. I might have been cleaning up several parts of a squirrel.

Being a parent messes with your mind...

Going into my third year as a father, I have learned many things. Not just about children, but about myself....

I have realized that the human body can perform quite well on a few hours of sleep. But when those few hours are broken up by a screaming child every 30-40 minutes, the human body becomes useless, especially in the late afternoon. Since our youngest is 2 months old, I figure I have about 3-3.5 yrs left of interrupted sleep, if I am lucky.

Translating baby talk to real words. Our 15 month old is trying to talk now, and I actually understand him. Our 3yr old talks a ton now, and is pretty clear. I find myself hearing "what did he say?" a lot, and I am answering without a pause "He said 'I want to ride my bike' " It's amazing how my vocabulary has adapted , or my IQ has lowered, in order to understand the little Slingers. So if I ever type in mumbled words on here, you know why.

The fact that we never go out to eat for fear that one of the kids will throw a fit. And also the fact that I have gotten used to eating so fast now because if I don't, my food will be cold after I have to deal with one of the kids. So now I eat everything so fast before it gets cold.

There was a time when I used to consider myself patient and laid back - well that all changed once my oldest son turned 3. I can usually take a lot, but for anyone that has a toddler, you know what I mean. There is a breaking point, and I have come very close to it a few times in the past year.

I used to be able to sleep through a tornado, but now I wake up so easily, it is almost annoying. I can still sleep through thunderstorms, but if one of my sleeping kids coughs, or sounds like they are waking up, I am awake in an instant. There are even times that our dog would do something and I would go into the kids rooms expecting to see one of them awake. This all ties into the lack of sleep noted above.

Once you have kids, you no longer drive with your windows down, and the heat comes on in September (same reasoning with the AC in the summer) at the first cold night, where you would normally just get another blanket. But now you have to think about if they are cold or hot.

You have to spend countless hours watching/listening to children's shows. Some of which are not bad, but others are just down right BAD. You see...when you watch something over and over and over, you start to analyze it, a lot! Examples:
1. Blues Clues - When Ryan, our oldest, was about 1 - he started watching this and loved it! It was not bad, catchy songs (of which I know them all now!) and educational themes. Counting, colors, letters, etc....but over the next year or so I started to get VERY annoyed with the whole concept. I would question everything..
-Why was Blue the ONLY thing that could not talk? Even inanimate objects (side table, mailbox, shovel and pail) could talk, but Blue had to mumble.
-How can anyone understand said mumble? How is it that Steve/Joe had no trouble understanding Blue? If that is the case, why not just have it talk like everything else?
-One episode is about things you do when you wake up. So what do they do? They talk about how you have to go to the bathroom when you wake up. That's cool, but when they wake up sidetable, and she says she has to go to the bathroom??? Come on! Not only do inanimate objects talk, but they use the bathroom too?!
This show is now on very limited rotation, although they have improved it, making Blue talk more, but still cheesy.
2. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse - the boys love this show. You turn it on, and they are in a trance, kind of nice when I want to get something done. But I have issues with show too, more like questions..
-Why do Mickey, Minnie and Goofy wear white gloves? Have no answer to this, kind of dumb, but they have been that way for 50some yrs, so oh well.
-Donald is a mush mouth, sometimes hard to understand. He is a duck after all. But my question here is - How come Daisy talks perfectly clear? She too is a duck, but sounds just like Minnie.
-Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, but why is it that Goofy walks on his hind legs and talks? I guess Pluot has not evolved into cartoon human-dog yet.
3. Dora the Explorer - the boys LOVE this show as well. It is ok, but very repetitive. But I know that is what helps kids learn, is hearing things repeated, but when that damn map comes up and says the three steps about 8 times, it drives me nuts!
4. The Doodlebops - whoever the jackass was that invented this show, needs to be shot. Ryan hates it, actually says "Don't like Doodlebops" when it comes on. So that is good. But I honestly do not see how this show made it onto Disney's programming.
5. The Wiggles - kids like this show, but it too has gotten really cheesy. And these guys may or may not be gay - but what I do know is that they are geniuses. They are reportedly the richest guys in Australia. Amazing! If I knew that I could make millions dancing around, dressed like a pirate, I would have signed up right out of high school!

The worst part about all the kids shows and books is that I could be working, and out of nowhere I get the Little Einsteins (by the way, kids and I love this show) song stuck in my head! (we're going on a trip, in or favorite rocket ship...oh man!) Or I will start noticing how certain songs on the radio resemble nursery rhymes.

I love being a father, and have learned to adapt to the lack of sleep, the dirty diapers, being spit up/thrown up on; I could go on, but won't. But all those books that some Joe Schmo made millions on, do nothing to prepare a new father for all the changes he is about to encounter. All the things he will have to sacrifice. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret it at all, but my life is NOTHING like it was 37 months ago. I should write a book telling it how it really is, I would make millions! I should start keeping a log of all the weird crap that my kids have done to me, especially in public, and see if I can come up with a book. If I do, I will be sure to pimp all of you to buy it!

And I think I used to always see other kids, and think "good lord, my kids will NEVER do that!" - well, my kids do most of those things. It's impossible to keep your kids from doing things sometimes, no matter how hard you try. So you just deal with it and stop trying to make excuses when they are little hellions in public. No matter how hard you discipline your kids, they are going to realize how to get around it and play you, every time. So good luck for all you new or soon to be parents. The ride is rough, but when you see your kids smile at you, it is SO worth it.

With friends like these...

I try not to enforce too many rules on my friends, but let me drop some science on “McGONE’S RULES OF E-MAIL ETIQUETTE.”

Do you remember chain letters from back in the stone age before PCs? Yeah, they sucked. They weren’t very useful, except as a good way to make a kid grip his shit in fear that something bad was going to happen to him if he didn’t comply by rewriting stupid letters and sending them to 10 people. The chain letter sensation of my youth may be directly link to the phenomenon of postal workers... going postal, as it were.

Somehow this utterly useless practice made the jump to the electronic age.

Here now is my rule:

If you are thinking about sending me some e-mail that has a cutesy joke/ethnic prayer-or-good-luck-wish/shmaltzy story about courage or love, and at the end of said e-mail some form of the words “Send this e-mail to...” appear, then DO NOT SEND ME THIS E-MAIL. Because it will likely say “Send this to x number of friends” and once I get it, we will no longer be friends, thereby making the entire effort even more pointless.

Man, I hate these things more than Lazy Eye hates Fire Crotch.

I just got one from Kim, a friend and former co-worker. It reads as “An Irish Friendship Wish.” But at the end, it instructs me to send it to all my friends... the more I do, the faster my wish will come true. And there’s that final caveat...

“If you delete this after you read it, you will have 1 year of bad luck! But if you send it 2 of your friends you will automatically have 3 years of good luck!!!” Then there’s smiley faces or shamrocks or some shit.

Well, that’s just awesome. Personally 2006 hasn’t been that great of a year for McGone, and my friends know this. So thanks for the ominous instructions, Kim.

Can I bring the sender up on charges? Seriously, when you think about it, you are basically receiving a threat over your e-mail. If I don’t go through with their demands, something very awful will happen to me. “Annoy your friends with this e-mail or you’ll be hit by a bus! :)” Walks like a duck, talks like a duck. It’s a freakin’ duck.

So, if I may appropriate a bit from Mr. Stephen Colbert, to all you chain-lettering e-mailers...

The Office

I have worked in the cubed world now for about 7 years, and even though I thought some of those environments were bad, they are nothing like The Office on NBC. If I had to work with Michael Scott, I am not sure if I would be laughing all day at how inapropriate he is, or if I would be calling my HR rep every 3 minutes.

Before you go and say anything, I do realize it is a television show, in which the 'employees' are actors. But you know damn well that somewhere in the wonderful corporate world there is a boss JUST like this. I like to think there is, which makes me realize my job is not all that bad.

Besides my thoughts, this is the funniest show on TV, hands down. It's especially funny if you do in fact work in an office, be it small or large.

WELCOME TO THE NEW B.M.I. BLOG

I made some major changes to the layout. I hope everyone likes the new style. If not, tough shit, I like it, and that's really all that matters.

Check out the right side bar, added some new little sections....
-Search - you can search the archives by keyword (that is if you know what you are looking for)
-"Words of Wisdom" section - this will surely grow
-Legal disclaimer - my lawyers have advised me to add this because you never know when some ass-clown is going to add material from this site to his/her blog and state it as FACT.
* This all total bullshit, by the way *

Anyway, hopefully more added sections to come as this blog grows.

Hopefully this weekend I will have a fancy link to my Flickr! site.

Anyway, enjoy and let me know what you think in the comments of this post.

So much for rules

I can fly!
Originally uploaded by Slinger5.

In order to take this picture, I had to tell Ryan to jump on the bed. Keep in mind that every other day we are telling him NOT to jump on the bed. So when I said "go ahead, JUMP!" he looked at me like "wait a minute, what kind of sick joke are you playing with me?"
After about 2 minutes he finally started jumping. Well 15 minutes later I was trying to get him to stop!
As much as I love this photo, I know now that he thinks he can jump on the bed whenever he pleases.

Hey, Asshole!

Dear Mr. Asshole/Shit Head/Cockgobbler,

When you call my boss and say you have been calling me all morning and can’t get a hold of me and I am not returning your calls, you better have your stories straight, because I will call you out and prove that is not the case. There is a saying we have here at my company..."Laziness on your part does not constitute a priority for me."
You see, there is this little thing called TECHNOLOGY that enables many people to communicate on a daily basis. When you call my desk and get my voicemail, my message says “leave a message and I will be paged immediately”. So EVERY voicemail I have, I get paged. Had you left me a voicemail using said technology, I would have been paged, and called in to check my messages, and returned your call. And when you say you called my cell phone but I did not answer…well there is a little feature known as RECENT CALLS. If your number is not in that list, you did not call me.
Maybe I am way off base when I assume that you have the mental ability to know how to leave a simple message on voicemail, but it would appear that you do not, as I had no messages. Shit, even my 3 yr old knows how to dial numbers and make a call, you dumb fuck.






So, asshole, next time you call my boss freaking out over a goddamn FAX LINE being a priority for your Golf Course, try using the proper channels of communication first. Because now that I have your number, you can bet your retarded ass I will not be answering your calls any time soon, and you may be lucky if I return a “phantom” message within a day or so. You have been warned.

Have a wonderful day!

Sincerely,
Slinger

WTF?!?!?!

Anyone in the Chicagoland area knows about Q101 - the Alternative music radio station. Well, this summer they went to this "shuffle" format, basically playing anything and everything alternative. Was pretty cool for a while. Well now, they have a new Morning Show that they have been promoting for about 2 months as "the most extreme shocking thing in morning radio".
Now, before you make a mental note to tune in tomorrow morning, let me just tell you.... IT SUCKS! I had it on for about 5 minutes and wanted to steer my truck into oncoming traffic. Seriously, what the HELL are they thinking? Granted I hated mancow also, but I think this may be worse, if that is possible.

So if you don't like sucky stuff, don't tune in, and don't click on the above link, unless you really are intrigued to see the new suck crew.

Today’s Definition of Irony

Frequent BMI commenter* BPDP (a.k.a. the only person not named McGone or Slinger that reads the BMI) has a hard time figuring out what the word irony means. As a public service, I like to help with examples. Like the time I stayed up late reading an article on coffee because I was having issues with caffeine, and the next morning I had to stop and get a cup of coffee because I was tired from being up late reading the article about coffee. (Did you follow that?)

Today’s definition comes to us courtesy of the Ford Motor company, specifically their line of Mercury vehicles. They’ve been making quite a push lately. I know this because their spokesperson is the lovely Jill Wagner, an aspiring actress whose credits include a stint on Ashton Kutcher’s Punk’d and Spike TV’s Blade series.

The irony comes from the opening line of the commercial:

“It’s about time you notice Mercury, and not just because of its looks.”

I don’t know how many times I’ve seen this commercial, but I honestly couldn’t describe any of the vehicles. At this point however, I probably could tell you what Jill was wearing in the commercial. All right, I definitely could tell you, but I won't.



Honestly, do they really expect any red-blooded American guy to pay attention to the cars when she's strutting around in every frame?

Hope that helps, BPDP.


*It’s a real word, I looked it up.

I am Eric's smirking revenge

My cube neighbor is an ex Navy guy, and I swear to god, if he keeps incorporating old Navy stories into every goddamn conversation we have, I may or may not kill him. He is a terribly nice guy, but it gets pretty old when I keep hearing "It's like in the military..." or "Man, when I was in the Navy..."

Listening to the Fight Club soundtrack is feeding my anger today......

[UPDATED]
I did catch a little bit of Dancing with the Stars (the wife watches it) and saw one of my girls dancing - Sara Evans. it was worth the 7 minutes of watching to see her in a short skirt dancing.

Why?

Why is it that when I post a reply to a comment, on my own blog, that I have to enter the word verification code? I understand the reason for this, but the blog should recognize that it is me, and not some comment spammer!

Things you may or may not know about me....

.... and probably don't really NEED to know, but I am going to share anyway.

1. When I am really nervous, I yawn. Repeatedly. I also grind my teeth when I am annoyed.
2. I am pretty much obssessed with the Foo Fighters.
3. Artists on my iPod include, but are not limited to, Marilyn Manson, Sia, Dr. Dre, Whitesnake and Kelly Clarkson. (I know, Kelly Clarkson? I like a few of her songs)
4. I have a small hole in the side of my face, in front of my ear. Not a hole from a piercing, it is just a hole in my skin, that I can literaly put a pin into. Ryan has the exact same hole, although his looks like more of a dimple.
5. My jaw locks up on my on a daily basis, yet I don't see a doctor about it.
6. My left foot is slight larger than my right foot, almost to the point where I could wear 2 different sized shoes.
7. One day in the future, I hope to move back to Morris.
8. I have a secret crush on a few Country Music ladies..Shania Twain and Sara Evans. Shania is beautiful, and let's face it, she knows how to market her best asset. Sara is just a gorgeous, down to earth woman who has a wonderful voice.


*******************************************

Things you may or may not know about me....THE McGONE EDITION
.... because i don’t want somebody stumbling on this site and thinking I have a crush on country singers.

1. My first two crushes in life? Lynda Carter on the old “Wonder Woman” show, and Marcia Brady. They set the standard that explains why I am single so often. Ladies, unless you feel confident enough to run around in star spangled underwear, bustiers and high heel boots - or you are a teen model - it may be an uphill battle. I’ll come around eventually.

2. I won’t say I’m obsessed with the Foo Fighters necessarily (as Slinger is) but my musical tastes haven’t expanded much past Seattle circa 1993. Most bands I listen to now can relate back to that time and place somehow (such as Foo, with Dave Grohl coming from Nirvana)

3. When I was 3, I was convinced I was Spider-Man. I also thought my dad was the Hulk. Seriously, I knew my name wasn’t Peter Parker, but I KNEW I was Spider-Man.

4.Best job I ever had was a side project here at the newspaper, writing movie reviews. Seeing movies before anyone else is the best, because they don’t ruin the endings for you, like telling you about Gwyneth Paltrow’s head-in-a-box. I had Roger Ebert kick my chair repeatedly during the X-MEN screening back in 2000, which was surreal. I also got into a long drawn out argument with Scientologists, because I dared to mention that their hallowed leader wrote the book the smoldering-piece-of-crap-that-was BATTLEFIELD EARTH was based on. They may have taken exception to me calling their organization a cult.

5. If I could have a beer with anyone - and I know this is Slinger’s answer too - it would be Dave Grohl. Close second? Brett Favre. God knows he could use one these days.

6. If I could make anyone breakfast, it would be Kristin Bell, because I obsess. And yes, the breakfast would preferably follow a night of bedroom Olympics. I was just trying to be subtle. A close second there is Angelina Jolie. She fascinates me because I feel like she could stab me at any moment.

7. One day in the future, I hope to move away from Morris.

8.When people say “You know who you remind me of...” I never know what to expect next, because I’ve heard several replies. More often than not, it’s Chandler from the TV show “Friends.” After watching “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” last night, I’m convinced that Matthew Perry in general is stealing my mojo. I’m suing the bastard as soon as I get a copyright on me.

"George likes his chicken spicy!"

I honestly doubt there will ever be a series on TV again, that can match the genius behind Seinfeld. That show is damn funny, it's almost wrong. Thank god for syndication, because I could watch this show everyday! I have seen every episode, but every time I rewatch them, it seems like I notice something new and funnier.

The little Slingers

The little Slingers
Originally uploaded by Slinger5.

I FINALLY got the kids to sit still for a picture, but was unable to get all of them to keep their eyes open. Either way, this is a good shot.

Ryan is 3, Brett is 18 months and Isabel is almost 8 weeks old. They are getting big so fast!

Brett is starting to talk so much now, he can say Bye, Hi, Up, help, cup, more and he tries to Isabel, but sounds more like "Issbah"

Odd things

Mountain Dew - yeah the bottle has the ingredients listed, but seriously....what exactly is in this drink that make my insides feel they are on fire and my teeth feel like they have a furry coating?
I normally do not drink Mt. Dew, but when I selected Sierra Mist, it gave me a Dew, and I was thirsty, so I drank it.

My iPod - today my iPod is playing a PERFECT mix of music on the shuffle setting. And thank god, because with it being Monday, my day is going slooooooooooowwwwww. And as I thought to myself this morning, "I need more music" I am reminded as I look at the listing and see that I have 1,755 songs on here, so I think I am good for now.

Da Bears - I am not one of those hinting at "Super Bowl", but I have to say, the Bears looked pretty damn good yesterday. As much as I thought Griese should have been the starter, Grossman shoved that down my throat yesterday. 4 TD passes, no INT's. Passer rating of 158, best in the league! He looked damn good and rock steady. We will see how they do when they travel out East for 3 road games against NY Giants, NY Jets and the Patriots.

Premiere week on the tube - Well this week is the season premiere for most networks. Notables: NBC - Studio 60, The Office - can't wait!

Working stiffs

As I do every weekday morning, I stood in my closet this morning thinking "what should I wear? What is the weather going to be like?" And on my way to work, as I sat in traffic, I was thinking about what other working stiffs do every morning. Then I looked around at the people around me and noticed the different worker 'types' around me...

1. "I am better, make more money, and am more important that you are" guy driving his brand new Pontiac Soltice. Ok, just because you wear a tie, use a bluetooth ear piece for your phone, and dirve a domestic sports car, does not make you important. For all I know, you work for a Pontiac dealership as a salesmen and you are driving a dealer car, as noted by the DL on the temporary plates.

2. The Lady Executive. Same as above, but she is driving the biggest and most expensive SUV while putting on her make-up. Has a ring so big it blinds me in the sun and she drives like she is driving said Soltice, weaving in and out. These ladies crack me up. They may have important jobs, but we all know after work that SUV is filled with the 3.2 kids, running around to after school events.

3. The middle class guy driving the 1993 Nissan Sentra that is burning so much oil that I feel like I just licked an ash tray, has no A/C and one burned out taillight. This guy probably has a regular job at Wal-Mart or a local factory, and is happy driving his old gas/oil burning car. He doesn't care what people think, he is just happy working his 8-4 job and providing for his family.

My point to all of this... person #3 is probably the happiest out of them all, and just the fact that there are a lot of people in the western burbs that think they should be in Hollywood. It's funny how the women in Schaumburg dress and act like they are royalty (Type #2 above)

But then I see a guy skateboarding, a GUY, not a kid. Then I think about Tony Hawk and what his normal day activity is.... Wake up, choose which board to ride, then spend the morning on the half-pipe. Eat lunch - served by the staff - then back to the pipe to perform more insane vertical tricks. Then break for a little game of his own video game, then when the kids get home, work with them on being the next Hawk to dominate the skating world. Amazing, this guy is 38, and still living his childhood dream!

I get paid to be a grunt worker and help my CEO earn his $24M bonus, and Tony skates everyday and makes millions. I know, who said life is fair? But come on, that sucks!

Hunting season open for Lamb and Lynx

Not to take away from McGones awesome post, but this is such exciting news, I had to post it!

If you like Rudolph Hess and his beliefs, then THIS STORY is for you.

TOP FIVE FRIDAYS HAS A BOO-BOO

So for the past 3 weeks now I’ve had this issue with my right leg. I woke up one morning and it was feeling stiff like I pulled a muscle. I had gone for a jog maybe 4 days before that, so it was plausible and I didn’t really give it too much thought. Next day was more intense, so I figure “It’ll have to get worse before it gets better.” No big deal. Monday morning, the worst showed up. The whole back of my calf - from ankle to knee - was swollen, hard, red and hot. And it hurt like it was in a vice grip. (You know, “Swollen, Hard, Red and Hot” would be a good name for a group of Russian Strippers)

Someone I work with suggested a bug bite, like the time her daughter was bitten by a brown recluse spider and had to get antibiotics. A trip to my doctor that day scored me some antibiotics and not much else beyond his assessment that it was infected, but no bug bite. He actually has a degree in vagueness. It’s true, I’ve seen the diploma on his wall.

One week later, no change. I’m still walking around like Robocop, and sitting around at home giving myself heat treatments, bored as hell. After canceling my appointment and making me wait two more days, Doc makes with more antibiotics. It was just a little anti-climactic. But, at least he ordered an MRI for the next day.... except that that doesn’t work for the hospital, and they make me wait a week.

I finally got my MRi yesterday, and let me tell you, that is one strange experience. I’ve never been so stressed out by just laying on a table. After the fact, it easy to think it wasn’t a big deal, but when you are there... not fun.

Here now are the Top Five Things Going Through My Head During My MRI.

1. “KILL BILL, VOL. 1”
The hard part about an MRI is, you have to stay PERFECTLY STILL. I’m kind of a restless guy. I have to get up and move every couple of minutes. I fidget. I drum my fingers. It’s annoying but hey, what can you do? Well, nothing when you’re taking an MRI. So I’m laying on the table, with things under my knees to straighten the leg, towels jammed under my back on one side to angle my leg, and my foot anchored in a plastic device to make it straight, an angle I haven’t been able to have it in for 3 weeks now.
About 5 minutes in to this thing, I get a twitch in my good leg. Seriously, it was like Kevin Bacon’s leg at the start of his dance in “Footloose.” So I start thinking “Did I mess up?” But it really doesn’t matter if it’s the good leg.
But much like little Brett Slinger wants to imitate what he sees big brother Ryan doing, my right leg gets that feeling. Apparently Gloria Estefan was right... the rhythm is gonna getcha. So now I’m freaking out a bit, trying to will my legs not to move. And all I can think of is that scene in KILL BILL VOL. 1 where Uma Thurman wakes up from her coma, kills a few guys and crawls out to the parking garage and into the truck she stole. Sitting in the back she stares at her toes trying to make her atrophied muscles move. But I was trying to do the opposite of “Wiggle your big toe.” Uma, you didn’t help. Neither did Seinfeld... I had that “jimmy legs” episode playing in my head.

2 “Man, that guy next door has the bass on the stereo up a little too much... oh wait, that’s me...”
So now I’m stressing out and in pain from the position of my leg. And I’m feeling claustrophobic even though it’s just my lower body in the machine. And there’s the noise the machine is making, despite my earplugs. And there’s that other noise... huh, that’s my heart pounding. Funny how thinking “All right, calm down” doesn’t make things all right, or calm you down.

3. “What Ramones Song Is That?”
So the only other thing in the room is the noise this machine is making. Very monotonous, not unlike the rhythm of a Ramones song. So I try to figure out which Ramone’s song. At one point I finally had the machine playing “Judy is a Punk” for me. Second verse, same as the first.

4. “Just how accurate is that X-Ray I took?”
So here’s the other thing that started the stress. Last week when they were scheduling me I was asked a series of questions. To one of them I paused, then said no. Filling out the same questionnaire yesterday I marked yes and told the woman at the desk. “Have you ever worked around grinding metals” Yes, yes I have. About 10 years ago in Sycamore. Why? Because apparently they have to take an X-ray of your eyes to make sure you don’t have metal in them. Because when the big magnet starts up, that metal can... ah, well. You know the rest.

5. “Get a New $#@&%*! Watch, Lady.”
After the 20 minute test they let me out. Man, that was a good feeling. Except I was sore from ankle to back. And then she tells me we had to do another one because my pain went further up than just the Achilles Tendon, the scan my doctor ordered. “How long is this one going to take?” I ask. “Five minutes” she replied. We’ll go ahead and call that a ballpark figure, because it ended up being 10. Awesome.

Anyway, that’s that. This mystery leg thing has gone from pulled muscle to bug bite to cellulitis to phlebitis to... Count choculitis? Government-created nano robot infection? I don’t know. But I anxiously await the test results: “Well, from the MRI, it looks like you’re just a pussy. Walk it off.”

Jimmy John's

Had JJ for lunch today, and just want to point out what I like/dislike about JJ...

LIKE:
Samiches are great!
Salt n Vinegar chips are the BOMB
Samiches so quick you'll freak!
One of a few places that has Cherry Coke

DISLIKE:
Kind of pricey
Why do they need to yell "Hello" when anyone walks in the door? I mean it comes from nowhere, and, dont know about you, but I always look to where it came from.
Seating is horrible (in this one anyway) if you get there at 12, forget about finding a seat.

You know summer is coming to an end when...

..... you wake up at the same time every morning, but now you have to really focus to see in the dark room. It seems like all of a sudden one day, there was no sun when I got up.

..... College football starts. I like NCAA football, but so far the Slinger teams are not doing so good. NIU is 0-2 and Penn State is 1-1.

..... you drive through towns at night and you see the glow of the high school football field lights.

..... the road you travel to work is all of a sudden crammed with school buses. I need to find a new route to work, no matter how early I leave, I still have to wait through 3 stop light cycles to get through the intersection.

..... every time you watch a sports news program, all they talk about is the Race for the Wild Card.

..... the overnight low temperature dips into the 50's and there is dew covering everything in the morning.

..... the trees are starting to thin out and some are even changing color already.



I love fall, don't get me wrong...I just hate getting up when it is still dark out and coming home when it is dark. And fall also brings on the sheer excitement that is the Grundy County Corn Festival! YEEE-HAW!!! You know... for the kids!

Ordinary things that shock me on a daily basis

Do you ever have those days where the littlest, normal things amaze you? I am talking about normal everyday things you see and maybe one day you stop and think... WTF?!?! Well, here is a little list of things I have noticed today and took mental note of...

1. Rain during rush hour is equivalent to 4 feet snow at rush hour. Seriously, people forget how to drive when it rains. It amazes me how slow people go when the road is wet, ESPECIALLY people that are driving SUV's. I understand there are obvious dangers to speeding when it rains, but there is no need to go 35 on the expressway when it is sprinkling.

2. The total disregard of office restrooms. You all know what I mean. How is that in a professional office of grown adults, the bathroom looks like a public restroom at the Taste of Chicago. Seriously, how hard is for a grown man to aim into the urinal, or flush a toilet after dropping a deuce? Amazes me every day that people can't follow proper restroom etiquette.

3. There are a handful of employees in my building who obviously do not own a mirror. Some of the outfits I see on a daily basis are beyond description. Now, I am not Mr. GQ by any means, but I at least check out my getup before I leave the house, or ask MamaSlinger how I look. But for a man to come to work with a big stain on the back of his shirt, or a button down shirt with the top 3 buttons undone, showing the world his hairy VEST, with 3 gold chains, is uncalled for. And ladies...it is not hot when you wear a mini skirt when one of your legs is the size of BOTH of my legs. COME ON! And a Lime green blouse does NOT go well with dark brown capri's and blue shoes. Maybe you are color blind? I don't know. But ask your husband (if you have one) to see if your outfit is appropriate for the outside world.

4. When people ball up their money in their pocket. Now this is just a straight up complaint, but I don't know about you.....but I HATE it when I buy something and the change I get looks like it was run through a garbage disposal. The bill is all wrinkled and feels like it is covered in fecal matter. But hey, that's just me.

My Uncle is full of information...

My uncle Dale is hilarious, full of information and knows people that know people. Dale is my dad's younger brother, looks just like my dad. Actually people have always mistaken him for his brother Roger, pretty funny stories.

Anyway, him and his wife Diane took me to the races, and they had the hook up!

1. We had VIP Joliet Police parking passes, parked about 100 yds from the entrance, compared to 400 yds away in genaral parking.

2. Diane brought a shit load of food, samiches, snacks, beer, water. 2 days at the races - 0$ spent. Can't beat that!

3. Dale works for Equistar/Lyondell in Morris. They make plastics for many everyday products. The plastic pellets they make in Morris are used in garbage bags, dry cleaner bags (the ones your shirts are in when you pick them up), food bottles (ketchup, salad dressing, etc). They also produce forms of gas for other plants to use. But the COOLEST thing that they make? They make the plastic that is used in EVERY Chevy Avalanche truck. All the plastic trim, bumpers...all of it. They have an exclusive contract with Chevy. So this brings reward to Dale, who gets a supplier discount if he buys Chevy. He bought a brand new 2004 Trailblazer for $24,000. MSRP is like $30,000. Not bad.

4. Dale and Diane's neighbor holds the patent on the car jack that is used by the Indy Racing League - IRL. You know the jack they use in the pits that lifts up the whole car? This dude invented it...in his garage! Not too shabby. He made a ton of money on it, however still lives in a condo. Then again, just because you have money, doesnt mean you have to show it off.

Aside from that, he is one funny dude, especially when he drinks. He is also EXACTLY like my dad, so I like being around him. He has the same mannerisms and stubborness that dad had, and a bit of the temper as well.

It was funny, we were sitting out there tailgating and some guy came up and yells "Slinger!" I was shocked to hear that someone else in my family had that nickname. Let alone my uncle! So that was cool to hear.

Race weekend

This past weekend I went to the races at Chicagoland Speedway with my aunt and uncle, their friends and my brother-in-law. It was really cool. I had never been to a major race event before, so this was a new experience to me. Saturday was the ARCA race - like the minor leagues for NASCAR - and then a smaller Indy car race. Sunday was the main even, the Indy PEAK 300. Danica Patrick raced but finished 12th. It was loud as hell, but pretty damn cool.

As I am not a huge race fan, I did not know what to expect, but from what I am told, this crowd was normal, compared to the NASCAR crowd. NASCAR is a whole different world of fans. (trying not to refer to them as hillbillies. oops!)

Random Thoughts for Friday

It has been a 4 day week, and yet it seemed like Friday would never get here! Let's do a recap of the weeks random thoughts...

- Steve Irwin died. The Crocodile Hunter was stung by a sting ray - in the heart. Sad to see that, he was smart, yet crazy, but sad that he had 2 little kids.

- Audioslave - REVELATIONS came out on Tuesday. I have been listening to this CD ad nauseam, but I still love it. This band continues to amaze me, every album is different from the previous, and that is what I love. They are growing as a band, even after being parts of previous popular groups.

- There are a lot of stupid people in this world, mainly in my office building. Friday's are considered a casual day here. Many people also wear Hawaiian shirts on Friday, I guess some sort of unwritten code started way back when. Anyway....sometimes I wear a hawaiian shirt, sometimes I don't. Given the casual attitude, usually means jeans, however we have a lot of people that take casual to a whole new level. I am talking about sweat suits, running pants, flip-flops...you get the picture. It doesnt bother me, but I know it bothers the mid-level executives who feel they have to wear a suit every day. (I will stop raning about work now...)

- I watched NIP/TUCK on FX last night... people I know rave about this show, but I have to be honest....didn't do much for me. Maybe because I have not watched it regularly over the past few years, but it just didn't seem like that good of a show. But that is just my opinion.

MUSIC - if you all have not taken a listen to the GNARLS BARKLEY album ST ELSEWHERE - go listen to it. it is super trippy and cool. I bought it on iTunes as a different genre to listen to, and I love it!

Blah Blah Blah...

OK, it's been a slow period here at BMI, and I apologize for us all.... but today I am working downtown and rode the train again, and as you all know, that commute, as well as walking downtown, leads to some useless information....

Things I saw or noticed around the city today...
1. Homeless people sleeping in Millenium Park - have to give them credit, they don't hide the fact, they sleep right out in the open. You would think they would choose a shady spot, since today was pretty warm in the sun. Or at least you would think they would keep their pants zipped up. Saw this guy sleeping spread eagle, pants opened up to the sky, like he was waiting for a hummer from the heavens.

2. The conductors on the train have too much skill with the hole puncher. This dude was punching holes with speed like the Terminator. I swear his hand was mechanical at times.

3. Walked past an Art Academy, and I have to say... artists are scummy people. All of these 20-somethings looked like deadheads, they were all smoking and playing hackey-sack, and it smelled like none of them had bathed in days. I thought I walked into the remnants from Lollapalooza for a minute there.

4. If you plan to walk 2.6 miles round trip, as I did today to go to a meeting by the lake, I recommend wearing a shoe with more support than a black dress shoe. My feet are pounding right now! My own damn fault, but it was so nice out and I had my camera with me, so I was all about walking.

5. Millenium Park is pretty nice, from what I saw. I walked to get some pictures of the Cloud Gate (or the bean as it is called) and to check out the fountains. Did a little people watching too, its so funny to see people posing for pictures, especially when they are being goofy. (I will post some photos tonight on Flickr! and put up a link)

That is all for now....but I am sure I will have more to add after my walk and commute home.....

So the ride home was nothing special, except for the guy next to me doing to Sudoku puzzle for the entire 50 minute ride, and he still had no lines completed. Granted, I SUCK at those puzzles, and I woul dhave given up after 5 minutes, so I have to give him credit for trying.

HERE are the photos I took in Chicago today. Enjoy!

I usually don't dabble in politics....

Yeah I voted for Bush, both times, but I can honestly say that he is doing a horrible job at trying to convince the American people that we are winning in Iraq and at the war against terror. Watching him talk yesterday was painful...He reads in such a mono-tone voice, directly off of a speech prepared by him, with absolutely NO EMOTION in his voice. He is like a robot, seriously.
He has 2 yrs left, and sad for him, that time will be spent trying to repair the damage he has done both internationally and domestically. He is a horrible public speaker, and projects a very bad image for our country.

What kills me is that our leaders still think we are winning in Iraq, and they refuse to say that Iraq is in the midst of a deadly civil war. Last time I checked the definition of 'civil war' I saw this...

CIVIL WAR: a war between political factions or regions within the same country.

According to the Pentagon...The issue is this....
"Sectarian tensions increased over the past quarter manifested in an increasing number of execution-style killings, kidnappings and attacks on civilians,"

Hmmmmm..... seems a lot like that of a civil war. but what do I know? I am just some working stiff sitting at a cube in the Midwest, eating M&M's and listening to Audioslave online. I like my freedom.

I guess this all just gets me thinking, better yet, worrying about the future for my children as they grow up. What is the security of our country going to be like when my kids are 30yrs old? I don't think this will all go away when Bush leaves office, I think it is so bad now that it will stick with us forever. So I guess we will just have to get used to not carrying anything onto commercial airlines, and become familiar with armed military men in our airports and local court houses. It's scary to think of what will happen in the future, so I guess for now, I will just live one day at a time. And if it gets bad, I will move the family to a secluded place in Montana or Wyoming and live off the land!

Like a weed

Isabel
Originally uploaded by Slinger5.

Isabel is growing so fast, I am amazed she is already 1 month old! She is doing good, getting a little personality too. She is VERY ticklish as well.
She had her 1 month check-up today, she weighs 10 lbs. 9 ozs, and is 21 inches long. Obviously she eats good!

We think she looks a lot like Ryan did at this age, which if that is the case, Brett will grow up wondering if he was adopted, with his dark skin and brown eyes.