Monday, October 16

The Itsy Bitsy Spider

Monday...ah the glorious day that brings all of us working folk back to the grind. It's a damp dark morning here today. And I get to my desk and log in and start doing work, and then I get a nice visitor....

I have 2 cabinets above me at my desk, and as I am replying to an email, I see something in my peripheral vision moving. I look up, and there is a nice spider making his way down my cabinet. And he stops as soon as I look at him, almost as if to say "oh shit, he saw me, maybe if I stop moving I won't get smashed" So I grab a napkin and go in for the kill.....
...2 minutes later....
I FINALLY kill him, but not after he puts up a fight. Right as I was about to smash him he scurried down to the bottom of the cabinet and actually started to glide down to the counter using his webslinger! For one, I had to give him props for trying to out run someone 500 times his size. But I also had to think that was the dumbest move he could do. He totally left himself hanging and vulnerable. He was obviously not skilled in the art of deception. Yeah, I took pride in the chase of this little guy.

So I smack him out of the air, and where does he land? ON.MY.LAPTOP. D'oh! He was smart though, he just sat there. He obviously thought "HA! No way is this guy going to risk getting spider guts on his laptop keyboard!" He was right, but he didn't bet on me having a can of compressed air cleaner either! I blasted him off the keyboard with the Lemon-scented, moisture free, non-ozone depleting air, sending him flying back onto my desk. This obviously stunned him, because he didn't move after that. I guess that shot probably felt like 4G's to him, so he was lucky to land on his feet.

Then as I moved in for the kill again, he scurried UNDER my laptop! DAMN! This guy was not going easily! He obviously thought he was safe here, but as I lifted the laptop up, he just sat there. Maybe he knew it was no use to run anymore.

The moment before I heard the crunch of him under the napkin, I had to give him credit for the daring escape. Little guy put up a good fight, but was no match for the ozone-friendly compressed air, and the AT&T cafeteria napkin.

I don't get scared of spiders, they really don't bother me. But at the same time, I can't be sharing my already small desk space with a little arachnid who probably has a family of about 30 sitting somewhere in the nearby shadows. So I had to defend my territory.

2 comments:

Utah Dagger said...

Way to fight the fight Slinger.....stand your ground. Now get up, go to the corner of your cubicle and pee to mark YOUR territory.

McGone said...

Wow, this was almost exactly like BRAVEHEART, but set in modern time. Amazing. You are very brave.