Pat Roberts should be President
We have all heard by now that Pat Robertson said God told him there would be a mass killing in late 2007 in the United States. Well, the BMI has just received the entire list of points that God spoke to Pat Robertson about before the new year:
- The population of the U.S. will continue to grow.
- Major League Baseball will be marred in a drug scandal, again.
- You will get your hair cut at least 3 times this year.
- The U.S. Threat Level will fluctuate between Orange and Yellow.
- Notre Dame will lay waste to LSU in the Sugar Bowl.
- Saddam Hussein will become a born again Christian.
- Apple will finally overtake Microsoft, only to implode due to insider trading by Steve Jobs, thus leaving Microsoft with all of Apple's ideas and technology. Resulting in Bill Gates becoming more powerful than Satan.
- At least one person over the age of 82 will win a multi-million dollar lottery.
Mr. Robertson has since made a statement about some of these points:
"I have a relatively good track record," but "Sometimes I miss."
3 comments:
"I have a relatively good track record," he said. "Sometimes I miss."
I believe it's important for all the mindless bible bangers that shell out their hard earned cash to Karnak the Magicia- oops, I meant Mr. Robertson - to note his phrasing here. And this is an actual quote.
He has alledgedly "spoken to God" (not sure where, but I'm betting they met at the Steak n' Shake off of I-35 in Austin, Texas) and even though he wasn't quite sure if God said "nuclear" or not (because apparently The Infallible One mumbles? Blasphemy!) Robertson then shoots himself in the foot when he says "I have a relatively good track record" and "Sometimes I miss."
That's two "I'" statements, proving that he pulls these predictions from his ass. I realize that the Christian belief that "Man is created in God's image" provides the loophole that when he said "I" he meant in the Cosmic sense of God speaking through him, but if you TRULY believe that 700-Clubbers, then by all means, tithe at least half of your wages to this jackass. A fool and his money are soon parted.
Who does Robertson have in the Super Bowl this year? Does he think the Bears have what it takes?
Not sure about God's football picks, but Letterman said he told Pat to put his money on the Giants this weekend!
Here's one of my own: on December 31, 2007, a member of Robertson's own flock below the Mason-Dixon will conduct a mass killing in an effort to prove the prediction was true.
I saw his prediction on the news, but I didn't hear what Robertson was saying.
I was too busy telling my kids that if the genius half of Pinky and the Brain was human instead of a cartoon mouse, he'd look just like that.
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