Celebrity Resolutions I'd like to see

If I were connected to Hollywood in any way, shape or form, I think I would be a good PR representative for the many stupid celebrities that occupy L.A. It would all start on Jan 1. Here are a few New Year's Resolutions I would suggest to the following stars:

Brittney Spears: Be a better mother to those poor K-Fed offspring. Oh, and wear underwear!

Kate Bosworth: EAT! Gain some weight before your head becomes too heavy for your stick body.

Matthew McConaughey: Decide whether I am going to be an alcoholic, or a closet gay cyclist.

Owen Wislon: Make one movie without Ben Stiller

Tom Cruise: Chill out on the Scientology. I could make some kick ass movies, but no one wants to work with my crazy ass.

Tara Reid: I need to clean up my act a little.

George Clooney: It's time to give up on the Ocean's movies. 12 was not so good, and a lot of people are not looking forward to 13.

Lindsay Lohan: Let's see, I should just admit that I do drugs. My weight fluctuations are proof enough that I am doing something.

Rosie O'Donnell: This is the year that I shut up, finally.

Tara Conner: Screw the Miss USA crown, this year I pose in Playboy!

Bridget Moynahan: Find a man that can replace the god that was Tom Brady.

Nathan Fillion: I need to make Hollywood love me more and put me in more movies. The Internet tells me that people love me! * and we DO!