My Promise To You

To the movie-going public of America,

I swear to Jebus, if I wake up on Monday, July 17th and find out the number one movie in America is "Little Man," I will personally find those of you who saw it on opening weekend and smack the taste out of your mouths. I'll kick you when you're down, and then I'll go to work on you. And if I find out that not only did you see "Little Man" on opening weekend, but you have also never seen a single episode of "Arrested Development," well, no court in this great land of ours will hold me accountable for the smackdown I shall bring to your humorless ass.

This is my promise to you.